To Lose Her...	To Win Her...
When she wants to talk, make sure you keep one ear and one eye on the t.v. or the newspaper. Don't give her your full attention and behave in a distracted manner. When she complains that you're not listening, act surprised and insist that you are. Prove you ARE listening by offering her a steady stream of ready made solutions to her problems. Be an obstacle to her in expressing her feelings.	Listen to her with BOTH ears when she wants to talk. Maintain eye contact while listening, touch her and pay attention. Empathize with her, be understanding and nurturing. When listening, try not to interrupt and don't immediately begin to offer solutions. Support her in her efforts to express her feelings.
...how to lose a lover...
When your woman is unhappy or disappointed or complaining about something: Whether it's related to you or not, make sure you take it personally. Get really defensive and/or go on the attack and start an argument . Make her wrong for feeling what she feels. Be sure to call her a whiner/ nag/ bitch/ ball-breaker etc. Say things like "There's just no pleasing you". Stomp off in a huff and don't come back for a long time. When you do come back, pretend that nothing happened by talking to her about something really trivial. Or better yet, don't talk to her at all. Prolong the silent treatment until you want something from her.	When she is unhappy or disappointed or complaining about something: If it's not related to you, DON'T take it personally. If it is related to you, don't make her wrong for feeling what she feels. Listen to her and let her blow off some steam. Nod your head, murmur soothing words of understanding and agreement, and encourage her to talk more by asking questions. Let her talk it out, she might feel better right away but if she doesn't, don't get angry or frustrated. Be supportive and help her to feel her own self worth. Support her more and she'll appreciate you more. Expect this kind of stuff to keep happening during the course of your relationship... persevere, it'll get easier.
baaad...	goood...
Always put her last. Attend to everything else first: your work, your parents, your siblings, your sports, your friends, your television programs, your hobbies, your car, your newspaper etc. Make her feel really unimportant. If she says that she never gets to spend time with you, be sure to respond with something like "What do you mean, I see you every night!" Ignore her a lot. Be really inconsiderate.	Make her feel important. Give her your attention. Listen to her... notice her... pay attention to her. Talk to her... touch her... hug her. Spend time with her. Do things for her even if she doesn't ask. Consider her feelings in various matters. Let her know that you are thinking about her. Tell her that you love her.
...rules for love fools...
Feed your woman's insecurities. Find out what she doesn't feel good about and then attack. If she thinks she's fat, niggle her to lose a few pounds. If she doesn't feel attractive, point out every gorgeous woman you see. If she doesn't believe she's smart, say things like "Never mind, you wouldn't understand". Flirt a lot with other women.	Reassure her that she's worthy and lovable just the way she is. Tell her she's all you need. Remind her often of why she is so wonderful. If there are other women around be sure you still pay attention to your woman. Make her feel valued and special. Don't flirt with other women if your woman feels insecure (especially not in front of her!).
loser...	winner...
If she tells you how she feels, be sure to point out why her feelings are silly or wrong. Let her know that she is being illogical or overexaggerating when she talks about her feelings. Act hurt or angry when she doesn't see the logic in your statements regarding her feelings. Assume that since you've said you love her once you never need to say it again. Point out that it's obvious you love her since you work so hard for her.	Make her feel cherished and loved by validating her feelings. Listen to her and don't tell her she's silly or wrong or irrational for feeling what she feels. Prove that it's safe for her to open up and share her feelings with you. Don't be judgemental and give her all the reassurance she needs. Tell her that you love her OFTEN... maybe every day, or as often as she needs to hear it.
...how to lose a lover...
Blame, blame, blame.	Don't!, don't!, don't!
Deny that there are differences between men and women and assume that men and women are exactly the same in every way.	Accept and respect that there are differences between men and women.
Expect her to react and behave the way a man would.	Expect her to react and behave the way a woman would.

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How to Lose a Man

Do you have some rules of your own? E-mail me. (cowie@ica.net)

Changes last made on: September 21, 1997