To Lose Him...	To Win Him...
Try to help him all the time. Offer him a lot of unsolicited advice and criticism. If you see him doing something the wrong way rush right over and tell him the right way to do it. Be really controlling in an effort to improve him and tell him it's for his own good. If you need to have a relationship discussion do it while he's trying to watch his favourite team on t.v. or while he's tinkering with his stereo or computer, then act hurt when he doesn't respond favourably.	Don't offer him unsolicited advice or criticism, he won't appreciate it even if it is for his own good. Don't try to control him. If you just have to say something about what he is doing, then try and approach him as though he is the solution to a problem, not the problem itself. Make sure your timing is incredibly good if approaching him with suggestions. If he does happen to ask for your advice be brief and keep it to the point.
...how to lose a lover...
If he distances himself emotionally or clams up, make sure you chase him. Be increasingly clingy and demanding. Repeatedly ask him things like "What's wrong?" and then refuse to believe him when he says "Nothing". Let your insecurities lead you to imagine the worst.	Leave him alone if he acts distant and get on with the other important things in you life. Trust that he'll come back and be emotionally close again when he's ready and able. When he wants to get close again, don't punish him for temporarily retreating.
baaad...	goood...
Be as independent as humanly possible. Prove to him that you can do it all by yourself and that he's obsolete. Don't ever depend on him for anything, always do everything for yourself. Never ask for help but secretly resent him for never offering to help. If he does actually offer to help or do something be sure to let him know that it's "too little, too late" and make him feel like an ass for offering in the first place. Remember what your mother told you... martyrdom assures you a place in heaven.	Let him do more things for you. Depend on him for some things. Show him that you trust him and need him. If he lets you down don't take his head off, give him another chance. When he's slow to help but he finally does, just accept the help and say thank you. If you do so much that you feel overwhelmed and give so much that you feel depleted, STOP IT. Let him know you appreciate him when he does do something for you.
...rules for love fools...
If he does something you don't like: Criticize him in a really judgemental way. Ask a lot of rhetorical questions that start like this "How could you... blah blah blah". Chastize him using the same tone of voice that his mother used and do it in public if possible. Make sure you argue your point and don't stop until you get him to admit that he's wrong. Or say nothing directly but drop hints and then get pissed off when he doesn't clue in. Accuse him of doing things to upset you on purpose. Accuse him of just pretending not to know what he did wrong. And finally, accuse him of pretending not to know why you're upset.	If he does something you don't like: Try telling him directly you don't like it but don't be judgemental or make him feel wrong. Try first preparing (bracing) him to hear what you have to say. Let him know you don't want to offend him but that you have something you want to say. Be polite but still be direct in saying what you want to say. Try modelling the desired behaviour or give him the tools he needs. If he resists what you're saying or gets upset, just drop it and try it a different way. Don't bother arguing if he is being resistant, it's already too late.
loser...	winner...
Be an obstacle to him in achieving results. Let him know you don't have any faith in him. Never miss an opportunity to remind him of his incompetence and past failures. If possible get into direct competition with him, prove you're better by upstaging him and then never let him forget it. Call him a loser and berate him in front of his friends.	Support him in achieving results and being successful. Give him a chance to prove himself. Let him make mistakes and don't withdraw your support when he does. If you're better at something than he is, don't rub his nose in it... he probably won't be able to handle it and you might be made to regret flaunting it.
...how to lose a lover...
Blame, blame, blame.	Don't!, don't!, don't!.
Deny that there are differences between men and women and assume that men and women are exactly the same in every way.	Accept and respect that there are differences between men and women.
Expect him to react and behave the way a woman would.	Expect him to react and behave the way a man would.

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How to Lose a Woman

Do you have some rules of your own? E-mail me. (cowie@ica.net)

Changes last made on: September 21, 1997